So I went to my local Sears to find out when Craftsman’s new premium ratchets will hit the shelves. The store is located near a cluster of restaurants on a major local highway, and is usually pretty busy. To my surprise the store was nearly empty, but I quickly found out why. I wouldn’t call the employees brainless, but it was like they weren’t firing on all cylinders. Here’s what happened:
So I found an associate in the tool aisle, and asked him about the ratchets. He shrugged one shoulder while the other hung limp and said “uuuuuuuuugh”. I figured maybe he normally worked a different department so I rephrased the question and pointed to a Craftsman thin-profile ratchet. This time he answered with “gglurrrb ruuuuug.” Huh? “uuuhhhhh ruuuhhhhh.” Great, thanks for nothing.
I turned around and walked to the next aisle where I spotted another associate standing next to a fallen display of Craftsman Nextec cordless tools. I tried to get her attention, but she seemed kind of spaced out and didn’t even look my way. She was sort of leaning against the tool counter, so maybe she was just tired. I called her a jerk under my breath and walked away.
Finally, about to leave, I passed a third associate standing at a register. A manager approached from behind him, and was in the processing of loading a staple gun. I noticed that there was a bit of red goo oozing down the side of the associate’s neck and dripping down his shirt. It looks like it was coming from his head right behind his left ear, but that doesn’t seem right. I spotted a few ratchets on the counter in the process of beind rebuilt. Maybe he had a mishap lubing the gears up? I didn’t see the assembly grease and wondered what the manager’s staple gun was for.
When the manager was done loading the staple gun, I asked about the ratchets. He said they’re all out of hatchets and if I had a brain I should check the lawn and garden section just to be safe. He also mentioned that there might still be a few Dead-on Annihilator wrecking bars on the shelf.
Ratchets, I said, R-A-T-C-H-E-T-S. “uuuu uunnttttth”. I looked behind me and saw that the second associate, the one I called a jerk, was walking towards us. “One month”? Is that what she said? She was walking towards us slowly and kind of funny, as if she had a busted ankle. I remembered the toppled stack of Nextec tools and realized she must have tripped – that’s why she seemed so distracted and was walking funny.
Since I finally had an answer, I thanked the associates and turned around to leave the store. I heard the staple gun go off a few times and glanced back behind me. It looked like the manager was stapling something to the third associate’s head and neck, but I must have seen it wrong.
The whole ordeal took a lot longer than expected. Customer service has really deteriorated these days, hasn’t it? Maybe the store will liven up as the winter holiday shopping season approaches.
Sears Zombie Portal (credit for the find goes to my wife)